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Carps in the Mud

by Josh V.

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johngolden912
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johngolden912 Stellar guitar work and production. Favorite track: Glow.
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1.
California Static 02:58
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Who are you naked What’s at the core Locked in abasement Under the floor When the old feeling Fills you up Crushed below patterns Is entertainment Worth living for Watch your arrangement Set as it pours One day you will wake underwater and feel Your face streaming out to the sea When the old feeling Fills you up Crushed below patterns Are you more than habits California static Holding back
2.
Boston 03:25
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I remember Back in Boston How the light quivered from your mouth And you hoped on my behalf For something pure Something tame And you’re dancing as you’re walking Started talking to the homeless man And I know that there is something That I can’t make you understand I can’t drag you here I wait beneath the moon The wolves are coming soon Let’s save the afternoon Don’t follow me to the moon We’re laughing Distracted I feel light when I kiss your mouth And I float on your surface As the sea turns black And you look like someone’s sister In that wolf shirt we loved so much And I wish that I’d never learned What it means to be tame In our primes we’re still ugly Elites resigned to the suffering mass Alone in every moment Humanized by the offspring You wake me up from my stress-dream of The haunting, endless moments Killing time on the subway The night you said that you loved me and The soul of every moment
3.
Less 01:54
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I feel so much less in the moment Analyze the bones A realist would curb less corrosive Now I’m growing fault Hunted down by the eyeline Penetrating to vapor With gears turning frozen in motion Amplifying doubt And breath blowing out of proportion Acidic and frothed Someday I’ll see the molehill And no longer be a mole
4.
Silo 02:08
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Building ice Awfully quiet Films seem nice Studio light You love your dog And though you’re small You know he needs you Wistful all Skin too small You love your dog And when you’re not awake You feel alive And though you’re small The ocean bleeds through I kissed her Hallelujah! Hope for some change As long as it will never hurt
5.
Greek 04:40
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Listen You’re not like them Their consonance drains Hidden in the hissing In the severance pay You anguished shell You’re going to hell Your candlelight is gone Dark hollow Listen You’re not like them You’d never cave Hidden in the fissures ‘fore the mirror stage You frightened mouse You’re breathing loud The men of action howl Dark hollow Hello awful, you look good When no one stops you though they could We’re hideous, we’re down below Deleted from your vapid codes You’re just on a streak You’re so complete You’re so unique You’re so you I’m just out of time I’ll never find Your smirking pride You’re smirking Half of me still envies you You’re recognized We recognize you So have fun You fucking tyrants
6.
Cologne 04:43
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We sat in her car Dark and apart You never told me How you felt She answers slowly And I don’t And then it set in The walls closing in There was no mystery to exploit Just distance piercing Through the void Never let you mess with you The sober truth progresses you Well this introspection smells like cheap cologne And that falseness is degrading to my soul While the hospital’s a stranger and I’m young It’s a tragedy to Narcissus this love Where reflections turn investments And the sentences obsessive Desperate search for some transcendence From this pensive less-than nest-building We sat in her car Dark and apart You think you know me Well I don’t The grips control me But they won’t I’ll never give in It’s about to begin Surrender wholly To one hope
7.
Combination 03:54
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Sense, fleeting Crystallized then powdered Fed to life screaming Grasping outward Best insights Floating in the ether Ironized neatly Wrapped in plastic And there’s a combination only I can parse and twine It’s mine Evil one Saw the slanting of the castle looming over all the peasants at work I stole away from the convention with the omnipresent God surveillance Something awful started rising to my throat, coughing up the lifeblood Invisibility meant everything to me, felt the sin on my skin There’s a combination only I can gloss in time It’s mine Easy, hun Don’t look back Just lie Knock something loose in a vacuum Your favorite tune degraded to used tissue Concrete collisions warping vision till the residue becomes insulting I gave them all I had in trust They were nice enough to conceal disgust Piercing right into my eyes Phony saviors stripping clothes from lepers Will you remember moments of me After I censor Every crime scene Dead season Birds already fleeing No divine hours Bells chime off-key
8.
Departing 03:16
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In a ghost town I've found my calling From the background Pack sound Departing I've been meaning To tell you that I'm lost Like an idea corrected till it's gone Renovations Plate shifts Free falling It's difficult To erase what you've started Keel fetal In the backseat departing First the nightmare caresses then it fades Spikes the bloodstream but never takes a shape In a crashed car Glass shards Departing Still I know It's naive adolescence Till I'm old And my fears turn fluorescent What if those animals that you hunted Weren't soulless or boneless or bloodless Cynical and emotionally stunted In the cold Every road leads to nothing
9.
Glow 03:42
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Raison d’être My new horizons wavered I don’t want be American detachment I don’t want to be the voiceless dreaming Pressure diamonds Flares in the night Make me nervous Press through the wall Feelings from old sins Lives ago Healing sun Old friend Glow As the fashion grows and accelerates Pulse for another name Pulse through another vein Who’s convincing who? If I’m gonna be around then I gotta grow Up from the center sphere Up through the mesosphere To the open blue Is it worth it Highs building lows When the perfect milestone erodes Blessings from Cold lips Eyes closed Messy love Frozen hope You’ve done nothing wrong Go to sleep Some relief will come tomorrow Those malicious visions Will ring hollow Don’t go underground I promise You’ll never drown
10.
Carps in the Mud 04:43
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Ambiance of smoldering fire Blistering whole shattered Infinite controlled inside Stilted house capsized There’s no above We’ve been orphaned here Left to survive in an open field We’re making this up Oblivious, immersed in pride Scripting bad actors Innocent or undefined The wretched thought ladder And we know there’s love But we’re afraid of them We’ve seen enough, we’re not interested Hearts beatin' up Carps in the mud We find we’re closer You smile Explosions Always intersubjective There’s no ego protection And when the sun sets Heaven seems like you Emptiness an attitude Watching the sparks climb Faces glow unveiled Countenance kindred, scared And when the smoke lifts Language melts mid-air Real wolves surround the camp Both passions are blinding Dark hollow eclipse Invented innocence And the river overflows It’s been so long Please wake up I miss your smile We’ve been up since half past 5
11.
Bonfire 02:24
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Go on believing that You deserve better But if you don’t become a life form You die Every dissident Sexualizing hurt If we don’t become a life form We die Stake the vampires Love’s not predatory Don’t eclipse the light you saw Build the bonfire Burn the sanctuary This is a spiritual call to arms Fuck you idiots Ruling hateful cells I’ve internalized your credo And it’s wrong Every Olympian Who ever side-eyed Dad He loves like Christ’s kid brother Could you Stake the vampires Love’s not predatory Don’t eclipse the light you saw Build the bonfire Burn the sanctuary This is a spiritual call to arms
12.
Outside 03:00
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Outside Hear the insects breeding Gas spheres ignite Past an endless ceiling What’s the pull when you’re post-everything? Earthling wounded The sun emerged from a fog No more pollution Your voice is soothing Alive and lucid Your fiery movements Shared illusions The soil loosens The sky illumines The quiet mood-shifts Worthless ruminations You must have been God Wildfire Hellfire Feel my insides wringing I walked outside Past the dead end feeling What’s the pull when you’re post-everything?
13.
Which One 09:22
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Hansel invited me Cool as a winter breeze As I forget my scene And overcome my dreams Which one I’m in your hands Which one I’ll understand In time Circling out Phantom inside of me Author of all I mean Which one I’ll understand Which one I’m in your hands

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released December 25, 2022

Cover art by Kay Ingulli

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Josh V. Buffalo, New York

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